Ah, the good old days. Wasn’t it so much easier when everybody knew their role in life – the man goes out to work, the woman stays home, takes care of the kids, and always has a smile and a delicious home-cooked meal waiting for him at the end of the day. If this is your idea of heaven you’re probably a) a man or b) Betty Crocker. For the majority, The Good Wife Guide is a glorious trip down memory lane, to the days when women did the housework in full twin set and pearls, and June Cleaver from "Leave It To Beaver" was everybody’s favourite wife and mother.
How Was Your Day, Darling?
So, how does a woman keep her husband happy? The short answer seems to be – make the home a haven he can escape to after a long, hard day at the office. After all, “A man’s home is his castle and as such, he ought to be treated like a king”. The minute he steps through the front door, all the focus should be on him.
Settle him into his favourite easy chair, get him the evening paper and a refreshing drink to help him unwind. The house will be spotless, and she will be a vision in full make-up and a lovely dress that shows off her stunning figure (alas none of that freshly baked layer cake smothered in delicious frosting for her).
Once he’s nice and relaxed, it’s time to get dinner on the table. None of these frozen TV dinners or re-heated leftovers – he deserves a “hearty home-cooked meal, one that’s prepared from scratch and seasoned with love”. Never wait for him to ask for seconds; make sure his plate is always full. She, of course, will pick daintily at her own plate, listening attentively to any problems he may have.
A Woman’s Work Is Never Done
Yes, those dishes must be washed and the kitchen tidied, but a good wife can never forget her role as loving companion. Before he settles in to watch television or relax with a good book, engage him in a bit of stimulating conversation, be it world events or some interesting local gossip. Doubtless he will have at least one or two fascinating stories from the office, giving her the chance to compliment him on his excellent business skills.
Once he’s happily reclining in his easy chair again, it's time to get the little angels upstairs for a bath then straight into bed.. Surely he deserves bit of peace and quiet at the end of a long, hectic day – and who knows, it might even put him in the mood for a bit of romance!
Of course she’ll be making his favourite Danish pastries for breakfast, but when he suggests she should “slip into something more comfortable” they’ll just have to wait! Now is the time to unveil her slinkiest negligee to “be a tantalizing temptress in those few, short minutes before your husband falls asleep”. Then she can sneak downstairs and do those last-minute chores, and put on the cold cream and curlers. And finally she will set her alarm to make sure he awakes to the smell of freshly brewed coffee.
Complete with Stepford Wives-style pictures of perfectly coiffured ladies, The Good Wife Guide (Cider Mill Press Book Publishers, 2007, ISBN 978-1-933662-85-5) is a hilarious blast from the past. And if your husband or boyfriend does give you a copy for your birthday or Christmas, try not to be too offended. Remember, a man, and his needs, are truly simple …
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