I Hate Myself and Want to Die

Not Really, But Tom Reynolds Does After These 52 Depressing Songs

Oct 9, 2009

Think about listening to a song that is like emotional toxic shock syndrome. Now think about 51 more. This did so much damage to Tom Reynolds, he wrote a book about it.

Entitling your book I Hate Myself and Want to Die: The 52 Most Depressing Songs You've Ever Heard is the express route to getting your hard work tossed on to the 2 for 1 table at Borders with a quickness, but Tom Reynolds doesn't seem to mind. He's probably too depressed to care after all the invaluable research he has saved his audience from having to endure themselves.

In a culture so afraid to deal with anything that there is a pill for absolutely everything, the fact that a book with such an oppressive moniker is actually a goldmine of funereal humor makes it all the more delicious. Reynolds mines the giggles out of the morose better than most humorists could ever hope to. The fact that most of us love these songs just makes it that much better. When you really listen to the words in a song, it can definitely change your perception of what you've been singing along to all these years.

To make it easier on us, our good author has broken these jingles of hopelessness into quaint little sub genres.

I Was a Teenage Car Crash

60's songs about lovelorn street racers and vehicular victims who just never got to say goodbye.

I Hate Myself and Want to Die

Pretty self evident. Evanescence, the Carpenters and Metallica have some tunes dissected here.

I'm Trying to be Profound and Touching, But Really Suck At It

Even more self evident. You'll find some Counting Crows, Kiss, Bette Middler and Barry Manilow waiting for you here.

If I Sing About Drugs People Will Take Me Seriously

She Hates Me, I Hate Her

Couples in the throes of mutual loathing, guest starring Joy Division, Ben Folds Five, Kenny Rogers and more.

Horrifying Remakes of Already Depressing Songs

It wasn't a downer enough the first time? Let the Smashing Pumpkins, Whitney Houston, and Celine Dion take a stab at it then.

I'm Telling a Story Nobody Wants to Hear

Bruce Springsteen, Pink Floyd, The Doors, Jim Carroll and a host of others weave those campfire yarns that nobody wants to stay up for.

I Had No Idea That Song Was So Morbid

Surprise! That song was actually eating your soul! Courtesy of Gilbert O'Sullivan, Bobby Darrin, and R. Dean Taylor.

I Mope, Therefore I Am

Perpetually sad artists only get ONE song in the book. Honors go to The Cure, Nine Inch Nails, Marianne Faithfull, and others.

Perfect Storms

THE TOP 5 MOST DEPRESSING SONGS EVER! Starring.... sorry. Don't want to spoil it for you.

So if you're ever in the kind of mood where you feel like listening to any of the 52 songs in this book, don't. Read about them instead. It's a far more uplifting experience, and at least this guy knows where you're coming from.

Also, don't miss Tom Reynolds second attempt at eviscerating lyrical content. His next book of 52, Touch Me, I'm Sick: The 52 Creepiest Love Songs You've Ever Heard is available now.

I Hate Myself and Want to Die: The 52 Most Depressing Songs You've Ever Heard, 2006, Hyperion, 1-4013-0835-X